A Fisk For Bob
Here we are at the start of a long weekend and I just feel terribly lazy tonight. And what do I do when I feel terribly lazy? Why I fisk someone. And who is the easiest person on the planet to fisk? Why Molly Ivins of course.
I had a nice e-mail exchange from Bob in North Dakota. I remember when I fisked an insipid Robert Jenson op-ed and mocked his analogy about Canadians invading North Dakota. I poked some good natured fun at North Dakota and I told Bob I hope he didn't take offense. Bob said no and also said the Canucks weren't likely to try and invade North Dakota because there is just too much military up there. He also agreed that the Nodaks and the Canucks would just get a few cases of Moosehead and have a big ol' party. Somewhere in the exchange he asked me what fisking meant. Well Bob, this fisk is for you.
Let's see what pearls of wisdom Molly has for us this week.
Here we are, playing hawks and doves again on the matter of Iraq - war or no war?
I vote war. Sooner rather than later.
- with particularly peppy exchanges from our more excitable brethren on the right concerning "appeasement"
Appeasement never works. Remember Neville Chamberlain?
and lack of patriotism on the part of anyone who isn't ready to nuke Baghdad now.
We're not questioning patriotism, just common sense. Better to nuke them before they nuke us. What will it take Molly? Another 9/11?
Bubba and Joe Bob have a question: "Why don't we git Oh-sama bin first?"
Bubba. Joe Bob. What makes you think we haven't got Oh-sama bin? Heard anything from him lately? He didn't look too good on that last video.
I bring this up because it seems to me that what the right wing is fond of describing as "the media elites" are so absorbed in their own tong warfare
Also known as the politics of personal destruction which was perfected by the Democratic party. When your only ideas involve seizing money from successful people and giving it to unsuccessful people ya gotta muddy up the waters so no one realizes that all your ideas are nothing but socalist bullshit. I know. Socialist bullshit is redundant.
that they quite forget the American people have a great deal of uncommon good sense.
Some of us do. The ones who watch Oprah, Jerry Springer, and MSNBC and vote for Democrats don't.
Does life in Washington actually resemble an endless round of Crossfire, or does it just seem that way from the boonies?
For once Molly has stumbled onto the truth. Even a blind squirrel can sometimes find an acorn. Life in Washington does resemble an endless round of Crossfire with the Democrat Carvilles and Begalas ranting and raving and saying absolutely nothing. Shut the fuck up!
At last count, we were already involved in military actions in seven countries, counting Colombia, which is either a different set of terrorists or a civil war.
Molly conveniently omits the fact that only one of those military actions, Afghanistan, started during the current administration. The other six started during the administration of her buddy, Bubba Clinton.
Seems like that's a lot on our plate now. Under the new Bush doctrine of "unilaterally determined pre-emptive self-defense," we get to go around attacking anyone we want without provocation. Not so much as a "Remember the Maine!" or a Tonkin Gulf resolution.
Where do you live Molly? Howza 'bout we let 'em nuke your city? Would that be provocation enough? I really don't want that to happen since I think Molly lives in the Dallas Fort Worth area and I know some people there. I would not like to see Rachel and Kim go.
Did anybody ever get to vote on "unilaterally determined pre-emptive self-defense"?
OK. Let's vote. I vote yes. All in favor of killing them before they kill us raise your hands.
According to published reports, the administration is also contemplating the use of earth-penetrating nuclear weapons in Iraq.
Works for me. Saddam, you better hope your bunker is deep enough.
Whatever happened to the no-first-strike policy"?
Did anyone ever get to vote on that?
Let's vote now. I vote yes.
Has anyone studied the consequences of violating it?
Molly. Before, when we were dealing with the Russians they didn't want to die. Mutually Assured Destruction worked. We're dealing with fanatics. These dudes think they get to go to paradise and get to bang 72 virgins. You can't reason with the bastards. Gathering around a campfire and singing Kumbaya ain't gonna get us anywhere. I don't think you realize that war was declared against this country.
Hard to find a soul in this country who doesn't think that getting rid of Saddam Hussein is a good idea,
Oh, I don't know. Walk on to any college campus. Call up James Zogby, the Arab buttboy apologist. I bet he doesn't think it's a good idea. Remember, Islam is a religion of peace.TM
but there are lots of people wondering why it's up to us to do it,
'Cause we're the only country with the balls and the ability to do it. Jesus, do you think the French would do it? Bwahahahaha!
and also asking, "What happens then?"
The other Arab countries will be falling all over themselves to be our friends or they could be next. Maybe the Saudis would quit sponsoring terrorism. Maybe the Palestinians would quit blowing up. The possiblities are endless. Use your imagination. The Middle East couldn't be any worse than it is right now.
Given our experience with George W. as governor, that's a particularly relevant question.
And what would a Molly Ivins column be without a little Bush bashing? And are we also gonna hear about the neverending 2000 election?
Not that it's on par with a nuclear first strike, but Texas now faces a deficit of $7 billion and rising.
Molly. We happen to be in a recession. Did ya hear about that? It's been in all the papers.
As governor, Bush inherited a surplus, pushed through two big tax cuts
And I'll bet the people in Texas are happy about that.
and left virtually nothing in the Rainy Day Fund, so now we're not just broke but in the hole.
Maybe the Texas gummint might want to think about cutting spending. That's what us common folk do when our income drops. Why can't the gummint?
As witness the case of the charter schools in Texas,
I don't have a clue as to what Molly is talking about here. Maybe someone from Texas can 'splain to me what the charter school thing is. At least in Texas y'all don't have the lowest SAT scores among the states. In Georgia, We're number 50! We're number 50!
the man does have a habit of coming up with not-very-bright ideas and then wandering off to leave someone else to clean up the mess.
He's no where near as good at that as Jimmy Carter. And Clinton did a great job of destroying our intelligence agencies. But hey, even if we had known 9/11 was coming, we couldn't have prevented it because you politically correct dimwits would not have allowed us to single out men of Middle Eastern descent for extra security because it might hurt their feelings.
Speaking of cleaning up messes, how smart is it to get involved in a war with no allies?
So the reasoning here is we let Saddam nuke us because we have no allies?
Canada announced Tuesday that it won't support a war.
And this affects us how?
That means, among other things, that we have to pay for all of it ourselves, unlike the Persian Gulf War.
OK. Let's let some madman nuke us because we can't afford to go to war. Great logic Molly.
Our fiscal house is not in good order now. Bush and Congress both blew the surplus in record time and will leave us with $742 billion and rising added to the national debt by the end of the decade.
At least she assigns part of the blame to the Democrats.
That's without a war.
OK Let's declare peace. I feel better now.
Joseph Nye argues in his new book, The Paradox of American Power: Why the World's Only Superpower Can't Go It Alone, that anti-Americanism thrives on the perception that we don't give a rat's behind how the rest of the world feels about anything.
I don't know about y'all, but I don't really give a rat's ass about how the rest of the world feels about anything. They're jealous of us and they hate us. Fuck 'em!
That's the famous "arrogance" for which we get criticized.
Yet still they come, hats in hands, begging us for money and protection.
On that count, a war with Iraq could play right into terrorist hands.
It's apparent that our ally Saudi Arabia has a far stronger connection to Sept. 11 than our enemy Saddam Hussein,
Molly, you need to talk to Maureen Dowd. She thinks we oughta attack Saudi Arabia first. I read it in her column this morning.
so attacking Saddam makes us look like hypocrites willing to sell out our foreign policy for oil.
Saudi Arabia does not have weapons of mass destruction. Iraq does. Don't ya just wonder what passes for logical thought processes in a liberal's brain?
That we'd also have to kill a whole of lot of innocent Iraqis
War is hell. Better innocent Iraqis than innocent Americans.
(next guy who uses the words "precision bombing" has to eat them)
Precision bombing. Yum. Yum. How many Afghanis did we kill with our precision bombs? Not too many. Certainly not as many as the hypocritical human rights groups claimed.
should count for more than it probably does with all those hard-nosed Bush foreign policy advisers who have never seen war.
I have seen war Molly. You haven't. But we both saw 9/11 when 3000 innocent civilians were killed. I'd much rather see an Iraqi civilian die than an American civilian die. War is hell. Tell the Iraqis to overthrow Saddam. We didn't start this war, but as long as we can keep dumbshit liberals like you out of power, we'll finish it.
The ideological struggle over foreign policy - unilateralism vs. internationalism -
How about survivalism?
is in danger of becoming one of those futile -ism fights, where people get so engaged in putting down their opponents that they lose sight of reality.
I often wonder how Molly can successfully put one foot in front of the other. Everytime I read one of her columns I think that she lost sight of reality a few years back. We're talking about taking out a madman who may unleash nukes or biological weapons against us and we have to get the rest of the world's permission to protect ourselves? And we have to listen to wimps like L'il Tommy Daschle and L'il Dickie Gephardt sayin' that we need to negotiate with Saddam Hussein. Molly, you're sounding loonier than Cynthia McKinney fer chrissakes.
We used to give an award for it in the Texas Legislature: "If He Votes Yes, Then I Vote No."
Molly was in the Texas Legislature????
It's smarter to stick with what works.
Ya mean like what worked in Afghanistan?
Life is not Crossfire
If it were, Carville would have been shot by now.
- there are more than two sides. So is there a better way? Nye thinks there is.
I await with bated breath.
Since terrorism flourishes in the "failed states," why not support international efforts to get these wretched places on their feet?
This sounds like that shit they're talkin' about down in South Africa. 'We're poor because we screwed up our countries. Give us money so our corrupt dictators can screw up our countries even more while they squirrel the money away in their Swiss bank accounts.' Yep. That works.
There was a poll of foreign affairs experts and scholars at the end of the 20th century, and it found widespread agreement that the single most effective American foreign policy effort of the century was the Marshall Plan.
But with the Marshall Plan we were rebuilding developed industrial democracies. We weren't trying to rebuild third world feudal countries living in the Tenth Century.
Seems to me that the lesson of Sept. 11 is that we cannot afford to ignore what the rest of the world thinks.
No the lesson of Sept.11 is having some pussy president like Bill Clinton bite his lip, feel our pain, promise to hunt down the bastards who blew up our embassies and the Cole and then go get a blowjob by an airhead intern only shows the rest of the world that we're all talk and no action. Overthrowing the Taliban, taking Saddam out and going after any one else who fucks with us will prevent future 9/11's.
Why does she make it so easy?