More Conspiracy Theory Crap
Dadgummit! My comments were down all freaking day. If anyone can point me to a better comment package, please let me know.
As most of you know, I don't do all that much linking, but, my buddy Addison sent me this link that is just so delicious, I have to share it. And the nice thing is, Dimocrats can't bitch about it being in poor taste since they pretty much set the standard of abhorrent taste a few nights ago at their
foot stomping campaign rally solemn memorial service for Saint Paul 'the dead' Wellstone.
I wrote sumpin' a few nights ago about the Conspiracy Theory being tossed around over at the Democratic Underground web site. Are these people fruitcakes or what? Anyway, Michael from Dunwoody sent me the following e-mail:
I really enjoyed your Monday take on the "conspiracy" to kill Wellstone.However you must realize that any attempt to blame the dimocrats for this horrible event is completely misplaced.I know your piece defended Republicans against this horrible accusation but you did imply that the only party that benefited from this accident were demo,dimocrats(sorry my spelling is still off).Nothing could be further from the truth.How can I tactfully put this.The dimocrat's wife was killed.If this was truly a dimocrat plot to kill off one of their more unpopular pols just before an election,the wife would have been on another plane!
And by golly, he's right! It obviously was a Republican plot. I owe the folks over at the Democratic Underground an apology. Not! Michael from Dunwoody happens to be a friend of mine and he was just making a joke. What? Joking about death? Well, obviously Bill Clinton and Walter Mondale thought it was funny as they were really yukking it up at the
foot stomping campaign rally memorial service the other night. And after all, what's it matter if there's a dead senator as long as they can keep the seat?
You know who else thinks this is an assassination? Why none other than Ted Rall. I've never actually read any of his stuff, and now I know why. This guy actually makes Molly Ivins look rational and intelligent. Don't worry, I'm not gonna fisk the whole column, but I don't think I've ever read a column where I can fisk every single sentence. Here's the link
THE (POSSIBLE) ASSASSINATION OF PAUL WELLSTONE
The title. It only gets worse.
George W. Bush's Legacy of Cynicism and Contempt
The subtitle. And let me say that Bush has to go a long way to even come close to Bill Clinton's Legacy of Cynicism and Contempt. The Clintons and the current gaggle of Dimocrat assholes have set a standard that will remain unrivaled until the next Dimocrat administration.
George W. Bush and his henchmen stole the presidency.
Ah yes. Liberals have to keep saying that knowing that there are plenty of stupid people in this country who actually believe it. They're called Dimocrats.
They threw thousands of innocent people into prison without even charging them with a crime.
Proof, Ted! I want some proof. If there were thousands of 'innocent people' in prison, the lamestream media would have their relatives on the evening news every night decrying the Gestapo tactics of Adolph Bush and Heinrich Ashcroft. Do you really think that Peter Jennings and Dan Blather could keep quiet about this?
They're gearing up to invade Iraq without bothering to come up with a substantial justification.
Howza 'bout the fact that we hate his mustache and his stupid beret? Not good enough? OK. He's developing nukes. He is a sponsor of terrorism. He's one of the impediments to peace in the Middle East. And, as a warblogger I want to see blood, blood, and more blood. Vote for me at Daily Pundit
Now some Democrats and progressive Americans
Is progressive American an euphemism for communist?
are asking the unthinkable about an administration they increasingly believe to be ruled by thugs and renegades.
These are the same people who think the Republicans stole the 2000 election.
Did government gangsters murder the United States' most liberal legislator?
Talk of foul play began hours after Senator Paul Wellstone's plane went down over northeastern Minnesota on Oct. 25, killing him, his wife an his daughter, along with three staffers and two pilots.
Yep! Them Republicans, not satisfied with starving old people and throwing thousands of innocent people into prison are now killing liberal Senators. Yep! Makes perfect sense to me.
"Please tell me I'm wrong to be thinking what I'm thinking," a self-described "liberal Democrat" from St. Paul e-mailed me that evening.
First you have to tell me what you're thinking. The thought processes of anyone admitting to being a liberal Dimocrat, and therefore a fucking idiot, are totally beyond the comprehension of any rational being. A liberal Dimocrat is someone who believes that Hillary Clinton is a lady and Rosie O'Donnell isn't a man.
"I want to be wrong,
Let me help you out. You are wrong. You're also a fucking idiot!
but I wouldn't put it past the Republicans--THESE Republicans--to sabotage Wellstone's plane."
So let me get this straight. THESE Republicans are worse than ordinary, garden variety Republicans? Do they torture the old folks before they steal their Social Security checks and then push their wheelchairs over cliffs?
Internet discussion groups and e-mail in-boxes quickly echoed her sentiment.
Yep! Especially at that bastion of sanity, the Democratic Underground.
People expressed similar fears after Commerce Secretary Ron Brown
Hold it right there Baba Looey! Everyone knows that Ron Brown was part of the Clinton bodycount. He was due to testify against Clinton and he had to be silenced. I know it's the truth. I read it at Free Republic. Next thing you know they'll be trying to blame Bush and his henchmen for James McDougal and Vince Foster.
and Missouri Governor Mel Carnahan died in plane crashes--the latter weeks before facing an election challenge from future Bush Attorney General John Ashcroft--
This one has really been bugging me, but I've finally figgered it out. Bush didn't want Ashcroft to win so he could appoint him as Attorney General and thus help him build the future police state after he talked Osama bin Laden into having his guys crash the planes into the World Trade Center which would enable Bush to declare marshall law and take over the gummint. And Bush thought electing a dead guy in Missouri would be kinda neat, kinda like Weekend at Bernie's in the Senate. I heard he really likes that movie. And the liberals think Bush is dumb. He's outthought them at every turn. He even knew they would make themselves look crass and petty this week at the
foot stomping campaign rally memorial service.
but the whispers of assassination following the Wellstone tragedy are more widespread and gaining mainstream currency far beyond the usual conspiracy nuts.
Yeah. Not only is it the wackos at Democratic Underground, but the moderates over at Democrats.com probably feel that way too. Next thing you'll be telling me that Eleanor Clift and Margaret Carlson feel that way. And let's not forget Helen Thomas.
A Convenient Death
It sure was. We got a damn good campaign rally outta it. And the wackos on the left now have better conspiracy theories than the wackos on the far, far right.
The Minnesota senator's death certainly comes at an auspicious time for the Republican Party.
And this time they did it right. They made sure the wife was with him so she couldn't be appointed if Bernie Wellstone won the election.
Wellstone's challenger, former St. Paul mayor Norm Coleman, was considered by both parties to be the GOP's best chance for recapturing the 50-to-49 Democratic U.S. Senate.
Then why jeopardize his chances by drumming up a sympathy vote for a dead guy? Ya think they might have learned from Missouri, right? And Ted, technically Jeffords is an independent. And Ventura is so pissed he might appoint an independent to serve the rest of the year. Wouldn't that be neat?
Wellstone had been considered vulnerable for two reasons: his principled
Have ya ever noticed that when a liberal opposes sumpin' it's principled, but when a conservative opposes sumpin' it's partisan?
opposition to Bush's Iraq war resolution (the Senate voted 77-to-23 in favor) and a strong Green Party candidacy sure to siphon off leftie votes.
Then why kill him?
Bush was so anxious to silence the Senate's most liberal voice
I don't know about that. Barbara Boxer could give him a good run for that title.
(Mother Jones magazine called him "the first 1960s radical elected to the U.S. Senate") that he personally recruited Coleman to run against him.
And soundly defeating Wellstone at the polls would do a better job of silencing him than killing him.
Bush then campaigned furiously against Wellstone, attending two fundraisers which raised over $2.3 million--more than he raised for any other Republican candidate, including his brother Jeb.
Now this is what really pisses off the Dimocrats. Bush is raising more money than Clinton did. I'll bet that hurts!
Republicans resorted to Nixon-style dirty tricks in the Coleman campaign.
Unlike the Clinton/Gore/Dimocrat dirty tricks which included an ad in Texas equating Bush with the assholes who dragged James Byrd behind a truck, because he was against hate crime legislation. But that ad was done by the NAACP. That's right. And they're a non-partisan organization. Huh? I'm missing sumpin' here I guess.
Coleman called Wellstone "extremist" and implied he was a communist.
Oh, so telling the truth about an opponent in an election is now a dirty trick? I just read a few sentences back that Wellstone was the first 1960's radical elected to the Senate. And Ted, I hate to have to break this to ya but Wellstone was a communist.
GOP workers phoned senior citizens to tell them that Wellstone was plotting to take away their Social Security.
Now that is a dirty trick. Everyone knows that only Dimocrats are allowed to scare senior citizens over Social Security.
They called members of the National Rifle Association to tell them that Wellstone was plotting to take away their guns.
He wasn't? That's news to me.
They even ran newspaper ads depicting gruesome photos of late-term abortions.
The cads! Trying to make abortion a campaign issue. How dare they!
Despite the money and sleazy tactics being used against him,
Only to a Dimocrat could telling the truth about a Dimocrat's position on the issues be a sleazy tactic.
recent polls showed Wellstone beginning to pull ahead.
Now I had heard just the opposite, but, what do I know?
With Election Day looming on Nov. 5, many analysts were predicting a Wellstone victory and continued Democratic dominance of the Senate.
Which would mean two more years of Tommy Dasshole as majority leader. Yechhh!
Perhaps, the thinking goes, someone in the Bush regime decided Wellstone had to go.
And with that, I think I have to go. Wading on down through the rest of Ted's bilge, I see that he knows very little about general aviation, one of the things being that politicians have slipped a little exception into the rules about the pilot qualifications required to fly politicians in private aircraft. Neal Boortz (read the whole thing) wrote about it. By the way, Carnahan's son was the pilot when he died. I do not believe he had a commercial pilot's license.
So Molly, move over. Ted Rall has replaced you as the most fiskable columnist ever. And as for all you stupid Dimocrats who think the Republicans are knocking off Dimocrat senators up for reelection, it's only four more years until Hillary runs again.
Not to worry. I don't think it's possible to sabotage a broom.